Christmas With the Swans
by dontrun
Summary: Join Bella as she travels home for the Christmas holidays with her lovable, but slightly eccentric family.
1. Chapter 1

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Merry Christmas (happy holidays) to all my readers new and old. This is a very short multi chapter almost drablish (though the chapters are all between 600 and 1200 words) that I will be posting between now and Christmas. I hope you all enjoy.**

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I've always loved Christmas. The feel of the season and the crispness of the air… the beautiful decorations, the big-ass tree that takes up half my parents' living room and, of course, the closeness of family all around me. Even if at some points, I'd wish I could lock my big sister, Alice, out of the house, I still love having her close for the holidays.

In the tiny town I grew up in we never had a white Christmas that I could remember—at least not naturally. My crazy lovable Mom decided that every little girl should have at least one white Christmas. So, one year after Alice and I went to bed Christmas Eve, she filled the front yard with white batting fabric and tossed cotton balls on top of it to add depth and reality. While even at seven and I knew that it wasn't real snow, it brought tears of joy to my eyes and I insisted we had hot chocolate sitting outside 'in the snow'.

My Dad—oh, my sweet, lovable Daddy—when I was nine, one of the older boys at school told me there was no Santa and I rushed home crying. After calling that boy a foul name, and putting him on his personal naughty list, my Dad got one of his bowling league buddies to get caught putting presents under the tree dressed as Santa. I found out years later that it was Waylon, the lovable slightly inebriated guy who loved to play Santa at the VFW Christmas parties. My Dad luckily woke before me that morning and got Waylon off from where he had fallen asleep (passed out drunk) on our front porch. Those little mini bottles of vodka and scotch will get ya every time.

So, Christmas is a big deal to me, to the Swan family as a whole. Not that it's a large family just myself, my parents and my slightly older sister Alice. _Slightly_ older at least is what she is claiming, now that she'd hit the big 3-0 and I just turned twenty five in September. Of course, how can I forget Grandpa Hank—my Dad's Dad. The man who has been kicked out of two separate retirement communities for lewd behavior, we chose not to talk about the time he got arrested for streaking the old folks' chess tournament at Shady Pines. Or when a ninety year old man on a walker at the home went after him for sleeping with the man's eighty year old girlfriend, those younger women are fought over at the old folks' home.

This Christmas we are being joined by Alice's latest 'love of her life', Jasper. Before him, it was Liam, the Irish guy who thought whiskey in your coffee was normal, then James, the would-be serial killer and what's his face… oh yeah, Connor the barely legal guy from when she went through her cougar phase. Alice's 'cougar phase' didn't last long, she likes a man who knows what he wants in life and Connor wanted to play video games. This time though, Alice swears that Jasper is _the_ one, the one who has kept her waiting forever. The one who is going to fertilize her womb and give my parents lots of beautiful grandbabies to spoil. Sadly, the 'fertilizing her womb' is a direct quote. Alice makes Mom look sane half the time. Don't get me wrong, she has a wonderful heart, she does all she can to be a good person, but she is umm… how to put this nicely? Quirky? No, that doesn't quite explain her. Hmm… Hyper? No that's not quite it, either. Unique? Yep. That's the nicest and easiest way to describe Alice. _Unique_.

Though this year we will be down one important family member—my sweet, loving, live-in boyfriend Edward. That makes Bella, and Bella's hooha one big ole' sad Panda.

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**Reviews would be a lovely Christmas gift ;0) **

**To The Extreme's next chapter is in the works, my son has been sick so I haven't been writing much. This was pre-written awhile back so thats why it was ready to go. **


	2. Chapter 2

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to all of you who have been reading and reviewing. Here is post 2 for Friday, sorry its a few minutes after midnight my east coasters (I'm one too lol). I got wrapped up baking my mini-loaves of hummingbird cakes.  
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**And here we find out more about Edward...  
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"Are you sure you can't stay here with me?" The pouting voice of the man I love comes from behind. Turning away from where I'm packing my bag, I hug his still slightly damp half-naked body to mine. _Yes, ladies my man is just rocking a towel around his hips._

"Edward, you know this is important to Alice—that I meet her man. And, honestly, it might be Grandpa's last Christmas with us. At least, that's the guilt trip he laid on me when I said I might not be able to come. I'll be gone two and a half days though, two short days and one slightly half of a day that will be spent driving there. I mean, you're going to be working anyways." I raise an eyebrow at him.

"I know, I know, but I'm still low man on call at the hospital. You know I'd rather spend Christmas with you, baby." He pouts his lips a little bit more. "Go, have funny with the Swans while I slave away delivering babies and handing out Pepto to kids who have over-indulged in holiday cheer." I laugh and slap his _damn_ _fine_ chest.

He can pout all he wants, but he's pulled a seventy-two hour shift, where he has to be at the hospital, due to a short staff for the holiday season. His Dad offered to cover for him, but both decided against it since the Chief of Staff shouldn't be seen showing preferential treatment to his son that is on staff. So, instead of staying home alone, Edward talked me into going home for the holidays, now, he's jokingly trying to talk me out of it. I'm not abandoning him to a holiday alone; at least, I keep telling myself that. This is the first Christmas in the three years we've been living together that we'll be apart. And only the second in the almost five years we've been dating.

"You know I'll miss you the whole time right?" I tell him. He gently kisses my lips.

"Not as much as I'll miss you." _He is so sweet, so mmmmm._

"I guess I can stay, I mean, I can always watch Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies and maybe I can sneak over to the hospital when you're not busy."

"No, baby, I want you to go, we'll have New Years together and open our presents together when you get back home. I can't stand the thought of you being alone during the holidays and you know Mom and Dad took that last minute trip to Alaska to see my Aunt Carmen and Uncle Eli."

"Are you sure? I mean, I can always just stay here and bring you some dinner, maybe sneak around the hospital with you? I can be your ho, ho, ho and show you how good I am at playing lick the candy cane in the residents lounge?" I run my fingers into the band on his towel. His groan is my reward.

"Bella…" His tone is tight, I can tell I'm turning him on.

"Edward," I flutter my lashes at him, "maybe I can show you how _gently_ you need to hang the Christmas _balls_." I reach into his towel and cup his balls. "Hmmm… I see you have something to hang them on already." A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead.

"Babe, I need to be at work in less than half an hour…" He trails off when I finish removing his towel, and follow that up by dropping my robe.

"You sure you don't want to _deck_ my halls?" I ask him, running my hand down towards my folds, giving him my sultriest look.

"You are killing me." He groans.

"I don't want you dead, Edward my love, I want you to stuff my stocking with all your yummy goodness." I jerk his cock a little and pre-cum is my reward. "Look, baby, you're all ready to _ice_ my cookie." A few more strokes, his eyes never leaving my breast, I can tell I've won this battle.

"Ahh, fuck it! If I'm late, I'm late." Giggling as he captures my lips before pushing my suitcase off the bed and tossing me down to have his wicked, wicked way with me.

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**Santa says reviewers are always on the nice list ;0)**


	3. Chapter 3

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**OMG I'm blown away by the response! Thank you all so much!  
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**There has been some concern about Edward being in the story, trust me people a Bella/Edward romance story needs an Edward so he will be part of the story, just trust he will show up...when I can't tell you it would ruin the story ;0)  
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**Here is a bit longer chapter for your Saturday afternoon...I'm off to visit with my own crazy relatives.  
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"Santa, baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot…" I sing along with the parts I know driving the two and half hours from Seattle to Forks. I might be off-key, but no one else can hear me, so hopefully the people in the cars around me think I sound like Mariah or Adele. Ok, I probably sound more like that William Hong that was on American idol, but dude had heart and so do I.

**WELCOME TO FORKS**

The familiar sign—that is now missing the population part—greats me and my butt is singing Halleluiah. Yes, ladies and gents, my ass is asleep, so asleep it almost hurts. You know that feeling when it feels like you're sitting on a rock and it's eaten down to the bone, yep that's where I am. A few streets more though and I'll be standing up again, wooohooo.

Waving hello at Mrs. Newton as I drive past her on main I can't help the wave of nostalgia that I'm overcome with. Her son was one of my besties in school. Our first day of kindergarten he offered to share his crayons since his box had more colors than mine. Mom had forgotten to get my supplies, she claims she was in denial that her baby was really starting school, Dad claims that Mom would forget her head if it wasn't attached to her body.

Anyways, on the way to school, Alice had had a moment of clarity and told Dad who was driving us in the cruiser, _yep, I went to school many of days in the back seat of a popo car_, and reminded him she needed paper and pens and all sorts of stuff. With a huff he pulled into the poorly-stocked drug store and grabbed us a couple of basics to hold us over with a promise to take us shopping for the other stuff later. We had cute clothes and sucky supplies. Dad made it up to us though with McDonalds for dinner and filling up our cute new backpacks. _My butterfly covered light purple bag was da bomb, just saying._

Anyways Mike was always like that—giving and happy. I had a crush on him for all of five minutes in middle school till I realized he had a crush on Eric. I wasn't sure how that worked at that age, I just thought he was silly, but that didn't change my devotion to my bestie. When we graduated he went off to San Francisco for college, he claimed it was the mecca for his people and I went to community college and started my nursing studies.

Yep, you guessed it. Edward and I are a cliché, the nurse and the doctor. He was finishing up his internship at Seattle Mercy and until he did his mandatory ER rotation (SM requires all their doctors that are on staff to take turns do four weeks in the ER because they are so small) we had never met. Edward spent most of his time in obstetrics and pediatrics, my honey bunny loves the babies and I was in the ER hoping to get out of the hospital and into a private practice. I love nursing but the hours were hard on me. That and the ER is often the place you see the worst of humanity.

Anyways, over stitching up a seven year old boy's knee that he had busted open riding his bike I lost my heart to Edward. He was so sweet, so calm and to add another cliché to our list I could see my children and our future in his eyes. We worked most of the same hours during that time and we'd have coffee or exchange little chit chats together, nothing that could raise eyebrows. However, when his turn in the ER was over and he went back to the kids' ward he asked me out for dinner. I said yes, and I was proud of myself for not doing a happy dance right there in front of him.

Lots of dates, some deep conversations and a whole hell of a lot of groping and making out later we took the plunge and went at it like rabbits in heat all over my apartment. Six months of busy schedules, moments grabbed here and there, along with our fabulous sexual athletics and he asked me to be his girlfriend. At which point, I broke up with him, because I thought I had been his girlfriend and come to find out he thought we were just "having fun" up till that point. I might have been a little pissed, like 'thought-about-calling-my-Daddy-to-bring-his-gun' pissed. I had these visions of him dating other women after leaving my bed. A month after that and we were back together, I was weak and he swore that since the first time he saw me he hadn't been with another woman. Edward was slow on the relationship uptake, but he isn't a liar.

Taking a job at the much larger Seattle Grace where his Father was chief of staff upon his final graduation, Edward fell into a less hectic schedule, though he still was required to be on call when the hospital was short-staffed due to him being a newbie and all. Between flu outbreak and the holidays there were very few doctors to go around and that's how he got roped into working this holiday season. I was fortunate enough to land a job as a nurse at a small family run doctors' office. The pace suits me, as well as the hours. I'm still helping people, yet, I still feel like there is some of me to give to my own life and Edward at the end of the day. The hospital was draining my life away, I was trained for a lot but the actually doing it and dealing with the human cruelty and pain that we treated in the ER was slowly killing me inside. Now, I give shots, clean smaller scale wounds and assist Dr. McCarty when she needs it.

Rosalie McCarty—thirty-six, looks twenty four—has a wonderful husband, three kids and a big dog of unknown breed that was rescued from the pound. She's my hero. She really was living the dream—a satisfying career and home life. Her cousin Tanya Hale was her partner in the practice, and they kept the hours between nine and four everyday so they could be home with their kids. Tanya made me nervous when I first met her; she was a little abrasive and cold. I found out later that my predecessor was a bit of a bitch that had a problem with Tanya and her wife Irina; she made a lot of snide comments that got her fired about the couple's adoption of two children from Irina's native Russia. After we cleared the air that I could care less who she loved, that my parents raised me to believe that what two consenting adults have the right to love who they want, only perverts who messed with little kids and rapist were evil. I won't share Renee's story of college experimentation with some lady named Jane. Dad jokes he's happy it only last a week because he could fight another man, but he was missing the right parts to fight a woman for my Mom. Mom told me she found out that the pole was way better than the hole, at which I ground went in search of brain bleach, or tequila in this case.

So lost in my own inner monologue, I actually drove past the house and had to turn around to pull into the driveway.

Home, sweet, home.

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**Did you know every time someone reviews this story I do a little happy dance ;0) oh and it makes me want to update quicker hehe. **


	4. Chapter 4

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Just thanks so much to all of you for loving this story :0) Are you ready to meet The Swan family and Jasper?  
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Alice's custom painted baby pink Scion iQ was parked behind Mom and Dad's green Kia Sportage, with no sign of the squad car, the Chief must either be working or out picking up last minute Christmas gifts. No, wait. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, he'll shop then, and Dad still believes the best deals are put on last minute. He's yet to prove that to any of us.

"Baby!" Mom squeals, rushing out the door in a hideous reindeer Christmas sweater and a way too tight jeans. _Someday, she'll grow up, and then pigs will fly._

"Hey, Mom." I hug her tight; her sweet smell of jasmine and maybe cookie dough assaults my nose in a good way.

"Are you ok?" She gives me a concerned look.

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine. My butt hurts, but other than that, I'm good," I assure her with a genuine smile.

"I just meant with Edward working through the holiday."

"Mom, it's cool, even if I stayed home, I wouldn't see him. He's basically taken up residence there until the twenty sixth. He and I are planning a nice little get away to make up for not spending the holidays together."

"Aww… that is so sweet." She coos.

"Bella, get your ass in here and meet my man!" Alice bellows from inside.

"Bella, don't laugh at his hair, I made that mistake." Mom whispers in my ear, before leading me into the house.

Alice my sweet sister, my older and supposedly smarter sister (in her opinion at least) was propped up on the lap of a man who had the same cut as some of the soccer Moms that come into the doctors' office with their young children. His face was pale, I wouldn't say handsome so much as unique, and his brown roots were showing proving that he bleached his hair blond. His outfit was like nothing I had ever seen on one of Alice's men before, a white wife beater covered up by a red leather vest and a pair of jeans that looked tight enough to cut of circulation. He wore combat boots with red laces that was adored with candy canes of all things.

"Jasper, this is my baby sissy Bella. Bella, this is my Jasper, the future father of my children, the one who will implant me with his epically perfect seed and give us a blessing of a child uniquely ours one day." Yes, folks she said that out loud, and all in one breath too.

"Hello, Jasper," I greet him politely.

"Hello, future baby sissy Bella, how was your drive?" Umm… ok, dude said that seriously.

"It was fine, Seattle isn't that far away."

"That's good." He nods like my answer satisfied him in some way and turns to Alice. "I missed you," he tells her and she giggles before kissing him. I guess, that two second conversation with me was too long of a separation for him because after that an awkward silence fell when Jasper and Alice zoned us out to start making out on the sofa.

"Where is Dad?" Wondering if we need his gun or maybe just turning the water hose on the horny couple. Mom pulls me into the citrusy bright kitchen and shakes her head, trying to hold back laughter.

"Alice and Jasper arrived about two hours ago, Charlie tried—he really did. Every time one left the room—even for a moment—they started this whole 'I miss you' thing. Your Dad was going red in the face and kept reaching for his gun, which he luckily hadn't put on yet. He faked an emergency call and went off to God knows where to get away from Romeo and Juliet out there," Mom whispers as best she can in between laughing so hard it almost knocks her over.

"Tell me Edward and I are not that bad?" I beg of her.

"Oh, hell no, baby girl, you and Edward are a perfectly lovely couple. You can see the love between you without having to see him shoving his tongue down your throat all while you dry hump him in front of the whole house." She chokes out. "Both of you are warm, caring and reserved; it makes for a very tolerable coupling for your Dad to handle. He only wanted to shoot Edward when he found out the pair of you were going to live in sin, but even that he is over now."

"Whew." I let out before groaning at the noises coming from the living room.

"Want to go see Cora at the diner?" Mom almost begs and I quickly agree.

"Her egg nog is always awesome, can't be missed. Too bad Alice hates egg nog." I giggle as Mom and I grab our coats back on and whisper to the humping couple that we'd be back later.

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**Hope you enjoyed this little cha****pter I posted it while watching the Chipmunks Christmas special with my son and one of my sisters, now I'm off to put the little man to bed. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the family...****  
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**Also if you have an extra couple of dollars laying around and want to help out some less fortunate kids this year (and read the prologue and 1st chapter of Homecoming: The College years months before anyone else) think about donating to the Toys for Tots program. The Christmas Wishes compilation is all about helping kids have a wonderful Christmas and there are only a few days left to donate and get receive a little reading treat of your own for the holiday season. Go to .com and find out more, including all the great stories you can get for just a little money for helping out some babies that otherwise might have no Christmas presents to open.  
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	5. Chapter 5

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks again for the love and now are you ready for Charlie?  
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Mom and I ran into Dad at the diner. He had his face in a plate of berry cobbler and a look of utter peace on his face. When he looked up and saw us come in he did a quick look behind us with a worried frown forming, but clearly he was happy with the results because he gave a huge grin and motioned us to the seats at his table.

"Did you leave the porn stars at home?" he asks us.

"Yes, but we may need to have the sofa steamed, or even replaced, dear." Mom informs him, stealing a bite of his food.

"Ahh, hell, I'll buy a tarp or something to cover up the furniture until they leave." He sighs and looks at me. "Hello, my favorite child." I giggle.

"Hey, my favorite Daddy." Mom rolls her eyes, trying to hold back her own giggle.

"Sorry Edward wasn't able to get out of work for the holiday, baby girl. Hell, I bet if we call him, he can overnight us some salt Peter for the horny bunch ruining my lazy-boy sofa." His voice dead serious, and his eyes are looking at me like he really wanted to know if Edward could pull this off.

"Dad, I don't think he can do that. He'd have to write a script, and then there's the whole legalities of shipping meds to get by," I explain, though Edward would probably do it I didn't want to take a chance of my man getting in trouble. _Unless, it was with me and a pair of handcuffs, mmm._

"Well, damn."

"Maybe we should send them to pick up Grandpa; that would get them out of the house." I grin evilly. Plus, Grandpa will give them hell if they pull anything around him. And knowing Gramps he has some resent story of his latest fling with his newest wrinkled love bunny to share, hopefully killing Alice's and her strange boyfriends sex drives for the moment.

"Good plan, baby girl." Dad says, pointing his fork at me. I can see he is thinking the same way as me. Grandpa was going to be like a cold shower for the two horn dogs.

"You two are evil," Mom adds in between laughing at the evil grins on Dad's and my faces.

"Swan family, what can I get you today?" Cora asks, interrupting our scheming.

"Hey, Cora, how about two egg nogs and a cup of coffee black for cobbler man?" Mom orders.

"Sounds good." Cora laughs. "Though, this will be cup number four for the chief, maybe something with a little less caffeine for him?"

"Charlie, you know the doctor told you three cups a day _max_, you had two this morning!" Mom fusses. Dad's doctor has been trying to get him to cut back on the caffeine to help out the headaches he's been getting.

"Tattle tale," Dad taunts Cora.

"Hey, old man, remember who cooks most of your meals," she taunts back.

"Old man? Please, Cora, I was three when you were born, if I'm old, so are you." And just like that, they are bickering like small children.

"You'd think they were siblings instead of cousins," Mom jokes.

"Yep," I agree, "though they are worse than Alice and I have dared to be." Mom nods her head in agreement.

"They say maturity comes with age, someone forgot to tell your father that." I hold back a snicker at my Mom, the eternal teenager picking on someone for being immature.

"God, it's good to be home."

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**Hope you liked it :0) Happy Christmas Eve, eve ;0) **


	6. Chapter 6

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**And here is the last chapter for today...Grandpa Hank is actually based off a real person my step Grandfather lol he always said some crazy stuff and had a thing for the ladies in the old folks home. And yep Shady Pines was a tip of the hat to Golden Girls ;0)  
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**Thanks once again for the love this little fic has been shown, I just hope the rest of it doesn't disappoint you.  
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**Christmas Eve….**

"Well, damn girl, didn't anyone teach Mary Alice to close her door when she is entertaining a gentleman caller?" Gramps complains coming down the stairs. "At the home we lock the door and put a sock on it to make sure we aren't interrupted," he mutters.

"Hey, Grandpa." I walk over and hug the currently cranky father of my father.

"Hello, my sweet silver Bells." He hums some of Silver Bells, and twirls me around. I had snuck out to visit with Mike who was home for the holiday and missed Grandpa Hank's arrival.

"You still have the moves, old man." I joke dancing with him.

"That's what the ladies at the home tell me." He winks in a completely dirty old man way before going back to his Grandpa face. "So, where were you, sweet grandchild, instead of here welcoming me to my son's humble abode?"

"I went to see Mike Newton, had to wish him Merry Christmas and give him his gift." And get mine in return, some sweet handmade jewelry by one of the local San Fran artists.

"Ahh, how is he?" Grandpa still wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with the topic of homosexuality, but he was really trying to be non-judgmental and open. I was proud of him because so many of his generation were close-minded.

"Doing good, I got him ten pounds of Seattle's Best coffee to take home. He has an addiction to the stuff and can't get it there." I point at my necklace and earrings, "And he gave me these." Grandpa nods in approval.

"And what did that doctor boyfriend get you?" He pulls my left hand up and shakes his head. "Bella, Bella, Bella, five years of dating and still no ring, sweetheart. You know, sweetheart, maybe I should borrow your Dad's shotgun and visit your young man. Teach him a lesson about how to treat a lady. You put a ring on her finger, and make sure her Gramps gets to be a Great Gramps before he kicks the bucket." _And_ _folks, there speaks the wisdom of Hank Charles Swan._

"No guns, Gramps," I tell him firmly, "hopefully, someday soon Edward will be ready and we'll get engaged and then married and work on giving you those great grandkids." _At least I hope it's soon._ "Until then, keep it zipped, old man, or I'll tell Dad about your hidden stash at the home." I warn him with an evil grin. Grandpa had some contraband—his nasty cigars—that he hid away from all at the home and snuck off into the surrounding woods to smoke.

"Spoil sport." He huffs out.

"But you love me," I taunt.

"I do, damn it. You're too much like your Grandma Marie for me not to love." His eyes glaze over. "Now that was a woman, Bells. I loved your Grandma my whole life, and I wish every day I had a few more years with her." I give him a tight hug. Grandma was the love of his life, it took him many years after her death to become the playboy horn dog we all know and love now, and that I still think is just a way to hide his pain.

"I miss her too, Gramps." He takes a deep breath, before looking up at the stairs.

"Either they are done, or Mary Alice's freaky boy toy isn't any good at it because it's too quiet up there." And the serious talk is over. "At least you aren't a hussy like your sister, Bella. Man after man and she still hasn't learned to shut the damn door." If I'm like my Grandma Marie, I'm starting to think Alice has our Grandpa's exhibitionist streak.

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**Remember reviews are like gifts to this author even just a smiley face makes me feel warm and fuzzy doing the whole Sally Field, "They like me. They really, really like me." thing.**


	7. Chapter 7

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Happy Christmas eve morning my lovelies. I can't believe that this little fic has been so well received and I'm humbled and blown away. Hugs and lots of love to all of you. I'm not sure when part 2 will post, depends on how this afternoon with the fam goes!  
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We made it through the Candlelight service at the church without Alice and Jasper getting arrested for public lewd behavior, though they did get a few odd glances during the service. I don't know if it was Jasper's hair or that they were standing close enough together that an old lady Jones was heard say, "If she isn't already knocked up, nine months from today she'll probably popping one out." We were also happy that Grandpa didn't get arrested as well. Since he offered to knock old lady Jones up if she was that interested in babies. He also explained that his super sperm could overcome anything, even menopause. Dad, Mom and I may have gotten up and sat on the other side of the church to pretend we didn't know the crazies we were with. Though being Forks everyone knew that we were related.

"That was a lovely service," Mom says as we climb back into her SUV. "Pastor Webber always has had a way with words, it's such a shame he'll be retiring soon. Nancy, over at the post office, said something about how she heard from Gemma that George wants to retire to a warmer weather for his health." Gemma is George and Amy Webber's next door neighbor. In this small town where gossip is rampant and the one with the best and most accurate is the most popular in town, Gemma comes in second only behind Shelly Cope, the secretary at our old high school.

"Do you think Oliver is going to take over as pastor?" Dad asks her, talking about Oliver James the junior pastor of the church.

"Oh, I wouldn't think so. Oliver is a sweet man, but I honestly don't think he has it in him. Plus, with the membership board having to vote, he probably wouldn't get confirmed. Too many remember that whole scandal with him and Jenny Graham." I hold back a giggle. Jenny and Oliver are a happily married couple now, but when he first came to town they fell hopelessly in love at first sight. The above-mentioned Shelly Cope caught the pair kissing on Jenny's front porch after one of their dates and suddenly Jenny was a scarlet woman and Oliver was a horrible influence on the youth of Forks. If Pastor Webber hadn't stepped in and reminded the congregation about judging others and not knowing all the details a lynch mob probably would have formed and rushed the pair out of town.

Don't get me wrong, the people of my hometown for the most part are wonderful loving souls. They just get bored with nothing really to do so gossip becomes a sport. However, you let something bad happen to you, and the town's folk are there at your door with sincere, warm heart waiting to help you out and do all they can to get you back up on your feet.

The ride home from church was a short one, and thankfully quiet because Dad made the three trouble makers ride together in Alice's car. Gramps wasn't happy about it, but there wasn't much he could do since Dad drove like a bat out of hell away from the church while Gramps was taking a last minute bathroom break before heading home. He informed us at his age when you gotta go, you really gotta go.

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**Hmmm anyone missing Edward as much as I am? Maybe just maybe (wink, wink) he'll be showing up again next chapter. Leave me a review if you want some Edward :0)**


	8. Chapter 8

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**So this is a bit early tonight because I'm getting ready to head off to my Church's candlelight service. I hope all of you have had a wonderful Christmas eve so far and to my lovelies who it is already Christmas Day MERRY CHRISTMAS!  
**

**And now my Christmas gift to you Cullen, Edward Cullen lol .  
**

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Hot coco, egg nog and way too many Christmas cookies and treats were spread around the coffee table. White Christmas was in the DVD player ready to go. We were just waiting for Dad to get back from the station before starting our yearly tradition.

"The problem with being married to the Chief of Police, you never know when he's going to get called in." Mom was explaining to Jasper.

"Hey, I'm going to get in my Christmas jammies and call Edward," I tell them, making my escape. Mom just waves me off as she continues telling Jasper—who is only half-listening; the other half was feeling up Alice—about the woes and funny times of marriage to Charlie.

My childhood bedroom had been converted years ago to a twenty something's bedroom. Light lavender walls, hard wood floors and a fully sized bed with a white eyelet comforter were the main features. My white wood furniture though really tied it together. When I was going to community college my parents paid to upgrade the room so I felt more like an adult. Alice and I both have our bedrooms here ready and waiting for us anytime we need them. I sometimes think Mom and Dad would love nothing more than for us to move back home.

I quickly slip into my brand new Christmas pajamas that consist of fuzzy PJ bottoms with my main man Santa on them, and a t-shirt top in solid Christmas red. I just can't sleep in long sleeves, I get way too warm. If Edward was here I wouldn't be able to sleep in the bottoms either, the man is a human furnace, and a sexy one at that.

Speaking of my hunk o' burning love I pick up my cell and hit speed dial one.

"Dr. Cullen speaking," he answers all professional and sexy. Ok, maybe I'm biased everything he does is sexy. Except farting, you'd think something crawled up him and died when he does that.

"Doctor, I'm hoping you can help me. You see my boyfriend is three hours away and there is no buffer to stop me from becoming as insane as the rest of my family. Though, I did pick up some hair tips from my sister's boyfriend who is rocking a killer Mom bob." His warm chuckle came down the line, right to my heart and my girlie bits.

"Well, hello, my love. I'm sorry I'm not there to save your sanity. How is Gramps by the way?" He laughs some more, knowing it's the old man driving us all batty. "And what is this about Alice's boyfriend's hair?" I burst out laughing, and tell him all about the coifed locks on Jasper's head.

"Are you on break?" I ask him at the end of my spiel.

"For the moment. When my love calls I have to answer you know." He jokes. "What are you up to?"

"Waiting for Dad to get back from the station so we can start White Christmas, then heading to bed."

"Why is Charlie at the station?"

"The Mallorys got into it down at the diner. Cora ended it by shoving Lauren's face into a pie. Lauren is trying to press charges, Dad is trying to keep his cousin out of jail."

"And they say small towns are boring." He laughs so hard he snorts. Sexy snorting boyfriend. Hehe.

"Only other towns, I mean, how can a town named Forks take itself seriously?" I joke and he agrees.

"Bella, come on Dad is back, let's get going. The sooner we watch the movie, the sooner we can go to bed and that means the sooner Santa comes. We all know how much you love Santa," Alice informs me from the doorway. Giving a snarky smile. "Have you ever told Edward about how you swore one day you were going to marry Santa?"

"Shut up, Alice." I growl. "Go back to Jasper I'm sure he _misses you_, by now."

"Bit me, Bells." She rolls her eyes, but gives a warm smile. "Come on, sissy, Dad brought back food Mom didn't cook." She fist pumps. I wave her off.

"So, what is this about you and Santa?" Edward asks in a very serious voice.

"Edward, don't be silly." Doing an imitation of my sister a few minutes ago, I roll my eyes.

"Nope, you must tell me… take pity on me stuck here at the hospital. I just removed a peppermint from an eight year olds nostril."

"I've told you this before, Edward. When I was six I decided that Santa Claus was the sweetest, most loving man in the world. I told my Mom and Dad that I wanted to grow up and be his wife, and help him deliver toys all over the world to good people." His light chuckle aggravates me.

"Are you leaving me for Santa, Bella?" He asks through chuckles.

"Edward, get over it, I was six. Your Mom told me about when you were six and you wanted to be a professional ballet dancer. Who has more blackmail, Doc?" He chokes on his laugh.

"Hell, Bella, hush someone might have over heard that."

"Uh huh."

"Alright, alright I give in. I also need to get back on the floor." He sighs. "Love you, Mrs. Claus." I grumble.

"Love you, Baryshnikov."

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**I hope Santa is good to all of you tonight and I'll be back tomorrow with more ;0). Hmmm I wonder if Santa will leave me a review tonight? **


	9. Chapter 9

Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Here we have it the last regular chapter in this fic, I am playing around with adding an Epi to it, I'm thinking New Year's Eve might be a nice time to post it ;0) Hope you enjoy...  
**

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A full belly and lots of laughs later I'm stretched on the sofa with the lights of the tree my only company. The bed was too lonely without Edward and I couldn't fall asleep, so I came down to the poor defiled couch and spread a sheet over it before laying down to try sleeping once again.

I must have drifted off though because a noise pulled me from a lovely dream of Edward and I rolling around naked in a field coated in beautiful Christmas cookies. Glancing over I notice something red and large. Slowly turning my jaw drops.

Holy shit.

Either Waylon had too much to drink and is hanging out dressed as Santa in my living room, or we're being robbed by a Santa look alike. I mean, who is dumb enough to rob the police chief though? And how many robbers are putting gifts under the tree?

I was frozen unsure if I should scream for Dad, play dead or find something to smack this intruder upside the head with. The only things in my line of vision though was the TV remote, a coaster and an empty plastic cup that I had enjoyed a Christmas orange soda in earlier. Nothing that I could really use.

"I know when you're sleeping and when you're awake." A gruff, almost gravelly voice came from the figure.

"Oh shit." Slips out.

"Maybe, I should put you on my naughty list little girl. What a dirty mouth you have." Santa Intruder tells me in his odd voice.

"My Dad is a cop." I almost shout.

"I'm aware of what Charlie Swan is, Isabella." Santa gives a deep chuckle. "I'm also aware that you, sweet Bella, have been a very good girl." For some reason, Santa saying that almost sounded like a come on.

"Thank you?" Ok, that came out as a question, but I'm so lost I have no idea what to say.

"Do you want to see what Santa brought you for Christmas?" His beard covered face comes into view, though with the lighting and his black rimmed glasses it was hard to get a look at him. The man claiming to be Santa reaches a white gloved hand out and takes my hand before placing a small box in it.

With a shaking hand, half out of nervousness, and the other half out of curiosity I open the little blue box. Inside lay a cushion cut, large maybe three carats, diamond surrounded by other tiny little diamonds.

"I've waited for you forever, Isabella, marry me and be my Mrs. Claus." His voice filled with emotion Santa lowered to one knee. Though I should probably call him Santa Edward, because I just knew it was him. Looking down, I found my favorite shade of green eyes staring out from those glasses, warm and filled with love.

"Oh Santa, if only you came five years ago before I met a man who stole my heart. His name is Edward and he's my everything," I tell him.

"Bella…" His voice catches.

"Edward, yes. Hell yes!" I laugh and throw myself into his arms.

He slowly takes the ring and slips it onto my left finger, placing a kiss to it. I reach over and grab his beard, pulling it down and bring his firm lips to mine. Slow loving kisses expressed how much we were feeling, how much love was between us.

"I thought you had to work?" I ask/demand a few minutes later, when I can finally bring myself to stop kissing my fiancé.

"I did, but it was only a twenty four hour shift. I called Charlie a few weeks ago and asked to marry you. After he reamed me about it being about damn time, he laughed and reminded me about when you swore you were going to marry Santa. A plan formed, your devious father helped me out. Here I am."

"Here you are." I agree sighing.

"So, will you marry me, Bella, be my wife? Be my forever?" He asks again.

"A million times yes, Edward. If you'll be my forever too?"

"Forever," he whispers against my lips.

"Forever," I whisper right back.

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**Did you get all you hoped for, for Christmas? I know so far mine has been great ;0) I'm going back to family time. My crazy Uncle has started into the nog early so it should get interesting real soon. Last year he chased my sis-in-law around trying to find out if her boobs are real or not lol. **

**Reviews are always nice.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Beta'd by my sis in spirit the lovely TwiDi**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Happy New Year to all of you! I've emerged from my sick bed (damn flu) to give you the epilogue...I hope you like this one I'm a bit nervous about it. **

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**The next Christmas….**

"It's like a mini blond fro. I mean, I've never seen a kid with that much hair," Dad grumbles, taking in his one week old grandson.

"Well, you've seen the Father's hair," my smart-assed fiancés jokes.

"Oh, hush! My grandbaby is the cutest baby behind my own two ever born," Mom argues, taking little Ambrose into her arms.

"Please, I still can't believe they named the poor kid _Ambrose_. I mean, seriously! What were they smoking?" I coo at the poorly named baby, shaking my head at the moniker my quirky sister and her hippy husband labeled their child with.

"I'm still sorry that our wedding had to be postponed," Edward whispers into my hair.

"It's not your fault, hun," I assure him. Our plan to be married December seventeenth was foiled when Alice's water broke in the bridal limo on the way to the church. Needless to say, instead of tying the knot, I ended up cutting my nephew's cord wearing scrubs over my silky, lacy bridal undies.

Jasper didn't make it to the hospital on time. Instead of getting into a car when he got the call that she was in labor, his dumb-ass ran out the doors and took off on foot to the hospital. Sadly, he made a wrong "short cut" turn and ended up lost in the woods surrounding Forks. Dad, Edward and Jake Black found him late sitting in the woods telling the trees and woodland creatures that weren't terrified off about his new baby being born, trying to get them to help him find the road. I call him a dumb-ass because he had his cell phone on him the whole time, and never thought to call and ask for help.

"Well, at least you were able to reschedule as quickly as you did." Mom smiles again, not sure if it was because she was finally marrying me off, or because little Ambrose passed gas. _That kid has some killer gas._

"I think Pastor Webber thought it for the best," Grandpa jokes, "he thought you two were going to live in sin forever. He was happy to get that off his soul before retiring." He laughs at his own lame joke.

"I think he was just sad that Alice ran off to Vegas and married Jasper instead of being married in the church. You know the Pastor baptized both of you, I think, with all his kids, he couldn't wait to one day be the one to handle your marriage ceremony." Mom kisses the side of my head.

"I think getting married on New Year's day is a great idea, starting off a new year with a new married life." Edward, my sweet Edward, was getting ready to start his justification for a midnight service again. "At the stroke of midnight Bella will become my wife, a new bride, a new life and a new year."

"Edward, I still don't know how you expect us old folks to be able to stay awake for the service," Dad tells him, this is their one bone of contention, the time of our wedding.

"I think it's perfect," I assure my honey bunches with a kiss to his chin, his manly _studly_ soon to be mine forever, _eat that, bitches,_ chin.

"Yeah, yeah, we get it, pretty boy is perfect," Gramps jokes, "give it six months when you have your first marital spat, then let's see if you are calling him _perfect_. Your Grandma, the loving saint that she was, could become an outright shrew during our fights. I'll love that woman forever and a day, but I swear, her head spun and pea soup came flying out when she was in a fighting mood."

~0~

"It was a beautiful ceremony, honey." Esme Cullen, my now Mom-in-law crushes me in a hug. "When the pair of you get back from the oh-so-secret _honeymoon,_ we have to get together. I'll cook us a big meal and the four of us can have some family bonding time." I hug her back, so happy I didn't get one of those mother-in-laws that drive you batty.

"I agree, I feel like while we know you, Bella, we haven't really gotten to know you as well as we could. With all of us working so much, well, you know how it goes." My sweet, _I know where my new hubby got his hotness from_; father-in-law gives me a side hug. They talk like we don't have dinner with them at least once a week.

"Come, wife, dance with me." Edward pulls me away, and I giggle as he drags me to the dance floor.

"Why, husband, so nice of you to ask me to dance in such a caveman way. Are you going to grunt and then go off to forage food for us? I think Jasper has some woodland friends that might make us a plentiful amount of meat for the winter." Edward laughs so hard he snorts.

"Mrs. Cullen, tell me how does a nice warm vacation in Hawaii sound? I know, it's a little cliché for a honeymoon, but with short notice…" he trails off and I squeal bouncing up and down.

"Aloha, baby! I've been wanting to go to Hawaii since I first saw Gidget Goes Hawaiian back when I was a kid. Will you be my Moon Doggy?"

"You, my love, are insane," he tells me, kissing my nose.

"And you, Mr. Cullen, love of my life, husband both in name and in my heart, love my insanity." I wink. "It's because you are just as crazy."

"Too true, Mrs. Cullen, you are my soul mate both in life and craziness."

"I'm just glad we're not Alice and Jasper crazy," I tell him, looking over at my sister and her husband.

"Oh, come on, Bella, he wore his "formal" chaps to the wedding and she keeps smacking his ass in public, in front of her parents. We are so not near their level of crazy."

"Hey, at least he wore pants underneath the chaps." I argue, trying to keep a serious face.

"And my Aunt Grace remembered to put in her teeth, Bella." I roll my eyes. His Aunt Grace was busy trying to get Grandpa Hank to be her fourth husband. Too bad husband three was busy sleeping off the champagne in the chair beside her.

"So, clearly crazy attracts crazy, and it is clearly genetic." I nod and give him another wink. "Want to go practice making our own genetic contribution to our crazy family?" Edward clearly only needed to be asked once, lifting me—wedding dress and all—over his shoulder and running out the Church reception hall.

~0~

"You just jingled my bells all the way," I tell him, laying in the afterglow of our marital consummation sexy times.

"A Santa has his responsibilities to his wife you know. I have to jingle your bells, and show you a ho, ho, ho of a good time at least three times a night."

"Hmm… don't you mean I need to be your good little ho, ho, ho three times a night?" I lean down and kiss his sweaty naked chest. His seconds ago flaccid dick was starting to raise itself up to its ready, willing and able position, no mistletoe required.

"I have to agree, Mrs. Cullen-Claus, I enjoy when you are my good little ho, ho, ho. However, I love it even more that you are my sweet New Year's bride."

"Oh, you are so getting laid again," I tell him, jumping up on him. "Let's get this one horse sleigh into the barn, Santa," I tell him, patting his super amazingly talented dick.

"Gitty up," he jokes, smacking my ass.

"Ohhhh, hell yes!" I scream out when he hits it just right.

"Ung! I love you, baby."

"Love you too." I assure him between gasps of air.

"Happy New Year, love," He whispers against my breast.

"Oh, that it is, Edward, that it is."

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**And that is all she wrote for this one my lovelies! I wonder if reviews are a cure for the flu, wanna help me test that theory ;0)? **

**For readers of To The Extreme, the next chapter will be posting once my mind functions well enough to finish writing it it should be next week or early the week after then we'll go back to the 2x a month schedule. **

**For people looking for a great read here are two rec's for stories that kept my interest and really touched me in some way:**

**The Bandits of Bennett Circle by samekraemer story id 8277017 (complete) **The quiet neighborhood of Bennett Circle is being terrorized. When Edward Masen becomes the latest victim, he determines he's going to catch the culprits. Who he encounters in his quest isn't at all what he expected. AU/AH/OOC. Canon couples with a few surprises, but nothing too surprising. Rated M.

**The Stench Wars by BookishQua story id 7146068 (complete) **Edward returns from Italy to find Jacob Black has become Bella's BFF and is interfering with their relationship. Jacob Black is never going to know what has hit him. (best use of the Volturi and get rid of Jake story EVER!)


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